friend

End

I’ve heard when we die we usually see a flash and then it’s all over. Like the recap of how we played out part. The choices we made to be where we were in our last moments.

Hello friend,

What do you think happens when we die ? I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately. What if it’s just the sad bizarre end everyone fears it is? One moment you’re with everyone you love, laughing, kissing, and the next moment it just ends. Becoming a meaningless corpse to everyone who meant the world to you. Being buried or burnt by the very people you cared about. Being hated butby everyone you ever loved for dying. As if you had a choice.

Here

Hello friend,

Why do you still put up with me? Why do you listen to what I say? Don’t you freak out? Or maybe you’re just like me, can’t open up about it. Others do. I can see why they do it. I’m fucked up. It’s okay tho. I am used to it. Everyone has their own problems to face. And I can see what they wouldn’t want another hallucinating weirdo in their lives. It’s okay. But you don’t have to think about it. It’s my problem, I’ll deal with it. I always have been. I just need you to be here. With me. Or maybe you just don’t care. I’d like to go with the first one. I can take all the importance I can get right now. Even if it’s from an imaginary person. Fuck. I did not want this. Why’d have to make it so difficult for me? This was not supposed to happen. What did you do to me? Why did I say that? I’m supposed to be the one in control. I’m supposed to decide. I have always been like this and I still had control over everything. Or was that imaginary too ? Just like you…

Lies

Hello friend,

Do you lie to yourself too? Do you put yourself in illusions? I am doing that quite often. Lying about my own feelings. Maybe that’s what I need right now. An illusion. That everything is fine and I can live this way. But can I? Should I change things? Should I try to take a chance or just settle with what I have? What if I ruin everything? That would suck. It’s not always your life that you ruin. Everything is connected. Other people might get hurt. Do they deserve that? Wouldn’t it be selfish? Do I deserve this? Dilema. Things were simpler when I had control. Where did it all went wrong? Or did it went right instead?

Again

Hello friend,

I’m here again. Shit. This is developing as a habit. I need to tone it down. Since I am already here. Do you feel anything? I don’t. Not anymore. Not just pain or happiness. Anything.

Fuck. How did it come to this? When did I became so isolated? I used to have friends. Now it’s just you. Or was it always an illusion? Having people around who care about you.

Crap. All people really think about is themselves. It’s human nature. It’s encoded into our DNA. Betrayal, Maybe. Selfishness, Definitely. Everyone has a motive. They always do.

We spend hours getting ready for any social event. What would people think ? Does this look good on me? The truth is no one gives a fuck. All they really care about is how do THEY look. You’re not as important. To anyone.

Tell me one thing. When you die how many people would be really affected. I’m not talking about how many people attend your funeral. Many would. Many of them who feel obligated would just want to leave as soon as possible. I’m talking about those who’d shed tears and remember you till they die. Will your death change their lives in any way ? Maybe they won’t make the same mistakes you did. Maybe they won’t fall where you set an example. Or maybe they’re just as dumb. Or maybe they’ll just forget you. Fuck. I forgot you’re not real.

The thing is assume everyone will betray you and you’ll never be disappointed. How do I know ? I can’t tell you. I have trust issues. Even though you are imaginary. I still can’t trust you. I am not whining about it. If anything I am happy. I don’t have to listen to anyone. But I do have to talk. Maybe that’s why I created you. To listen. Just listen.

But that’s not the best part. You’re not real person. You’re the ideal one. You can be what we were supposed to be. Selfless. Pure. Shit. That came out cheesy. But you know what I mean. You don’t have a motive or goal. You’re just here. To listen to me. That’s what I like the most about you.

Kawai

Hello friend,

That’s lame. I think you need a name. But then again you’re just in my head. Shit. I’m actually doing this. Talking to an imaginary person. It’s not like I have a choice. I have to get it out. Everything that I’ve been thinking. Everything that I couldn’t figure out. Maybe you could help me. Don’t think this is some sorta cozy safe place for cute talks. No. This is about the reality. This is about the world that we live in. And maybe that’s the reason why you are here. To listen. To understand what the people of this crooked time cannot. I guess not being able to speak is one advantage that you have.

You must think the world is all butterflies and sunshines. But no. It’s much more than that. The sunshine is the only thing that people care about the only thing that matters. They don’t pay attention to the storm that just passed by. I guess they are right. Look at the bright side. Fuck. It’s not for me. I can’t ignore stuff like most people do. I can’t live in the illusion that every body else is living in (or rather have out themselves into). It’s not a good enough scapegoat for me.

How did it end up like this? People are dying. Everyday. Every second. And all we care about is land territory. Wars. Money. I don’t give a shit about money. Most people do. Most people are dumb. They don’t know if they’re gonna be alive the next second but they still wanna collect more. As if it helps. Never does. I’m not saying don’t work you have to. To make this world a better place. That’s the whole point right? Or was ?

Have the goals changed ? Or is it the people ? When did this happen ? What am I missing ? Is it me? Or is it everyone ? Does this happen to you too? Shit? I forgot . You’re just an imaginary person.